The people who every new mum could kill

I’m not really sure if it is just because the sleepless nights are making me more irritable or whether all new mums share in my hatred but there are certain types of people I could sincerely throw into a river since having Annie.

  1. My husband

Yep. Top of the list. My husband. I’m not going to lie but I think I have developed a profound hatred for the man that fires up in me every 90 seconds. Do you know where the milk belongs? No I do not want to pick up your dirty clothes off the bathroom floor. Yeah no problem I’ll change her nappy even though you are already doing it. Awk don’t worry I didn’t make the bed for a reason, get back in and go to sleep. A lie in? I haven’t had one of those since she was born but you work away.

If he goes missing, it was me.

2. The feeders

Those that bring cake, chocolate, sweets, fizzy drinks (yep Rebecca, if you are reading this I am referring to you!) We all have that one friend who wants to fatten you up to make you bigger so they look skinnier. Well my hormones and mum-tum tells me I’m already big enough so as much as I can resist the malteaser buns at 3pm in the afternoon, at 3am I have no willpower and will eat the packet!

3. The “do-gooders” who do no good

Aww yeah. Those that promise the world and deliver NOTHING! “Wait until the baby comes, I’ll call everyday and give you a hand.” By giving you a hand they secretly mean they’ll come into your house, expect you to make them tea, want to eat your biscuits (which you don’t have because Tesco with a newborn is petrifying), play with the baby, pick her up when she’s sleeping, make a mess and then leave you with a crying baby. Thanks.

4. Those who don’t own a watch

Ok so this used to be me. “I’ll be there at 12” – I was never there before 1pm (sorry guys!) but seriously though. While new mums are sitting at home trying to time the feeds, hold them off for visitor, listening to the crying, trying to clean the house etc the least you could do is be on time!

5. The ringer who won’t give up

IF I DON’T ANSWER THE FIRST TIME THERE IS A REASON – STOP CALLING TEN TIMES IN A ROW! We’ve all been there. We’ve fought to get the baby to sleep and just as they are going into a deep sleep BOOM! Ring, ring, ring. Hang up. Ring, ring ring. Hang up. Just p**s off! Unless your dead I don’t care, I will call you back, and if you are dead then obviously not dead enough!

6. Skinny mum in her gym gear

4 weeks post c-section I am dying to get back into the gym and get my body back so to the skinny mums who had a natural delivery, sprung back into the pre-baby clothes and are rocking their gym gear… I hate you. I can barely walk up stairs.

7. That guy who created Google

Here’s my life currently. Feed the baby, burp the baby, change the babies nappy. Google. From googling if her nappies are ok, to googling if her skin is ok, how many ounces she should be taking, what other babies her age are doing etc. Each time I come off Google I either think she is seriously ill or lacking in something. The new rule in our house is, if the sentence starts with “but Google said…” then Carl isn’t going to listen.

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