Fertility: Anger & Fear

I’m 23. 23 years of age and for some God knows what reason my body won’t allow me to get pregnant. Yet people ask “what’s wrong?” Seriously?! 

I think I got over the upset and hurt part a couple of months back but the anger and fear stage is so much worse. Angry at people who complain about being pregnant, do you realise how lucky you actually are? Angry at those who don’t want the beautiful children they have and even more so at those who are cruel to them. I’m angry at the NHS who show no sympathy, empathy or compassion and who are so God damn ignorant at the amount of us out there. I’m angry at the lack of understanding and the “it will happen when the times right” people. Most of all? I’m angry at myself because I’m the one who can’t bloody do it.

Fear is so much worse however. In a few months time I will have reached the stage that the NHS want to spend their precious money on me. At that point I’m a lost cause so they will consider IVF and this scares me the most. This scares me to death so for now I feel like I only have a few months left. Panic. At 23, I’m married and have a loving husband. We are building our first home, a home I am planning around having children in. Where their bedrooms will be, what their playroom will look like, yet I may never bring a beautiful baby home. 

 I know so many of us feel the same way because I have talked to so many of you. Eventually the hurt subsided and hopefully,  for us, the fear will too. At the minute however hope is definitely dwindling. Maybe it’s just a bad week or maybe I’m coming to terms with it, only time will tell.

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